An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other.

When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: “Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? …that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”

The wife put down her drink and said…”Let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down.”

An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you used to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

As my grandmother and I

were walking towards the United Nations Building in New York City, we came upon a street evangelist who was trying to get the attention of passersby.

He urged those near him to flee from the wrath to come.

“I warn you,” he roared, “that there will be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!”

An old woman in the crowd shouted snidely: “Sir, I have no teeth!”

“Lady,” the evangelist retorted, “teeth will be provided!”