Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children.
The first one says, “You know, my son, he graduated first in his class from Oxford. He’s now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Chicago.”

The second woman says, “You know my son, he graduated first in his class from Cambridge. He’s now a lawyer, making half a million dollars a year and he lives in Los Angeles.”

The last woman says, “You know my son, he never did too well in school. He never went to any university but he now makes one million pounds a year in London working as a sports repairman.”

The other two women ask, “What is a sports repairman?”

The woman then replies, “He fixes things… you know, hockey games, football games, snooker games…”

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river.
They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools…and the intelligence… to cross this river.” And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple hundred yards, and walked across the bridge.

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven.
The angel at the gate tells them, “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner, your way across the bridge to Heaven will be decided.”

The first guy says, “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated thrice.”

The angel gives him an old model pick-up.

The second guy says, “11 years and only once.”

The angel grants him a Mercedes.

The last man says, “20 years and not once, we loved each other with all our hearts.”

The angel is duly impressed, and bestows upon him a gold edition Lamborghini.

The man soon passes the other two men.

Hours later the two men catch up to him at a diner. He’s sitting alone at a table sobbing and muttering to himself.

One of the men approaches him and says, “I know we are dead but it could be much worse. Don’t be upset!”

The guy looks up and says “Don’t be upset?!, 30 minutes ago I passed my wife, and she was riding a skateboard!”