One afternoon, an eighty-year-old woman finally decided she’d had enough.

For most of her life, she had been known as a practical, independent person. She rarely complained, rarely asked for help, and certainly wasn’t the kind of person who rushed to a doctor over every little ache or discomfort.

But this situation was becoming impossible to ignore.

It had started as a minor irritation.

Just a small itch.

Nothing serious.

At least that’s what she thought.

Days passed.

Then weeks.

Instead of disappearing, the irritation became increasingly annoying.

It followed her through the day.

It bothered her at night.

No matter what she tried, it refused to go away.

Eventually, she scheduled an appointment.

When she arrived at the clinic, she sat quietly in the waiting room with her usual calm expression. Anyone looking at her would have assumed she was there for a routine checkup.

When the nurse called her name, she followed her into the examination room and patiently explained the problem.

The doctor listened.

Asked a few questions.

Performed a brief examination.

Then nodded confidently.

“Well,” he said, “it appears you have crabs.”

The woman stared at him.

“Excuse me?”

“Crabs,” the doctor repeated.

For several seconds she simply blinked.

Then she shook her head.

“No, doctor. That can’t be right.”

The doctor looked puzzled.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m eighty years old,” she replied. “And I’ve never been with a man in my entire life.”

The doctor shrugged.

“Strange things happen.”

But the woman wasn’t convinced.

Not even close.

She left the office certain the diagnosis was wrong.

A few days later she visited another doctor.

Once again she carefully explained her symptoms.

Once again she underwent an examination.

And once again she received exactly the same diagnosis.

“It looks like crabs,” the second doctor announced.

The woman folded her arms.

“No.”

The doctor frowned.

“No?”

“No,” she said firmly. “I am eighty years old and have never had that sort of relationship. There is absolutely no way I have crabs.”

The second doctor merely shrugged and repeated his opinion.

The woman left more frustrated than before.

Two doctors.

Same answer.

Neither willing to listen.

By the time she arranged a third appointment, she was determined to get a real explanation.

As soon as she entered the office, she got straight to the point.

“Doctor,” she said, “before we begin, let me explain something.”

The doctor nodded.

“I’ve already seen two other doctors. Both of them told me I have crabs. They are wrong. I am eighty years old and have never been with anyone. Therefore, whatever this itch is, it cannot possibly be crabs.”

Unlike the others, the third doctor didn’t interrupt.

He listened carefully.

Then he smiled politely.

“Well,” he said, “let’s have a look.”

The examination was far more thorough than the previous ones.

The doctor took his time.

He observed carefully.

Checked everything twice.

Made notes.

Several minutes passed in silence.

Finally, he stepped back and removed his gloves.

A small smile appeared on his face.

“Well,” he said, “I can tell you one thing.”

The woman looked hopeful.

“What’s that?”

“You were absolutely correct.”

A look of satisfaction immediately crossed her face.

“I knew it!”

The doctor nodded.

“It’s definitely not crabs.”

The woman sighed with relief.

“Thank goodness. I kept telling them.”

“Yes,” the doctor replied. “And in your case, the explanation is actually much simpler.”

The woman leaned forward.

“What is it?”

The doctor paused thoughtfully.

“At your age,” he said, “certain things change.”

She waited.

“And when something hasn’t been disturbed for a very, very long time…”

He paused again.

“…sometimes it attracts a different kind of visitor.”

The woman frowned.

“I don’t understand.”

The doctor grinned.

“Well,” he said, “you don’t have crabs.”

“Then what is it?”

The doctor looked down at his notes.

Then back at her.

And calmly replied:

“Fruit flies.”

For a moment the room was completely silent.

The woman stared at him.

The doctor remained perfectly serious.

After three doctors.

Three examinations.

And countless arguments.

She had finally received an answer.

Not the answer she expected.

Not even close.

But certainly one she would never forget.

As she gathered her things and prepared to leave, she could only shake her head.

Sometimes the truth is stranger—and far funnier—than anything you could possibly imagine.