A pregnant woman is about to give birth.
The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”.

The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside.

“Damn!”, says the doctor.

A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby.

“No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb.

The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”.

Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out.

“Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father.

The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!”

The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger: ”How do you like that?”

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

“May we see the new baby?” one asked.

“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”

“No, not yet,” said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”

“No, not yet,” replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”

“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.

“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”

“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?”

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other:
“Are you a little girl or a little boy?”

“I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby.

“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply.

“Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling, “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.”

He carefully got himself into the other baby’s crib, then quickly disappeared in to the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big smile on his face. “You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.

“You’re ever so clever,” said the baby girl, “but how can you tell?”

“It’s quite easy really,” replied the baby boy, “you’ve got pink socks and I’ve got blue ones.”