Walking up to the store’s fabric counter, an attractive young woman said,
“I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk. Not to be taken back by the comment, the woman said, “That’s fine.

I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the material, then held it out teasingly, leaning forward to receive the special payment. The woman snapped up the package and pointed to an old man standing beside her. “Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled.

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marvels at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it.

Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks. “Only $4 each,” says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter. “You didn’t eat enough,” says Green.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry. “Hey, Green,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2.

You’re ripping me off!”

“You see?” says Green. “You’re smarter already.”

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to drop off, otherwise they were all going to fall.

They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.