An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City office building.

A young and beautiful woman, smelling of expensive perfume, gets into the elevator.

She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly,

“Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!”

A couple of floors later, another young and beautiful woman, smelling of expensive perfume, gets into the elevator.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly,

“Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!”

Three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination.

As she exits the elevator, she peers at both women,

bends over, and farts, then bellows,

“Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!”

2nd joke: An angry wife was complaining about her husband
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,

so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know.

The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered.

“I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.

“And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

3rd joke: A housewife takes a lov3r during the day
A housewife takes a lov3r during the day, while her husband is at work.

Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the cl0set.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lov3r in the cl0set.

The boy now has company.

Boy: “Dark in here.”

Man: “Yes it is.”

Boy: “I have a baseball.”

Man: “That’s nice.”

Boy: “Want to buy it?”

Man: “No, thanks.”

Boy: “My dad’s outside.”

Man: “OK, how much?”

Boy: “£250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lov3r are in the closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”

Man: “Yes, it is.”

Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”

Man: “That’s nice.”

Boy: “Want to buy it?”

Man: “No, thanks.”

Boy: “I’ll tell.”

Man: “How much?”

Boy: “£750.”

Man: “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!”

The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

The son says, “£1,000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that.

That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that sh*t again.”